Unintended Consequences

When an inmate tells us that he is having suicidal thoughts, our first mission (provided he's not already in a camera cell) is to get him out of wherever he is and place him immediately on suicide watch.

Before we do anything else, he gets stripped out and put in a camera cell.

The one thing he gets immediately is a kevlar suicide smock. Depending on what the pshrink on call says, he might also get a kevlar blanket and a foam mattress. This depends on who the pshrink is and who the inmate is. Some of the pshrinks will give them everything immediately.

A few of them will ask who the inmate is first. I like those.

We have a couple of inmates who use going on suicide watch because they want a room move and we can't or won't move them. They think they stand a better chance of getting moved out of a camera cell than they do a regular cell. We need those cells more.

One of those tried his crap the other night. He didn't like his cellie so he got in a fight with him. We had put him in a cell with the one guy smaller and meeker than him hoping he would stay there awhile.

Well, that didn't work.

So he got moved to C-wing upstairs. He didn't much like that so he said he was suicidal, hoping to get moved out of the wing the next morning.

Unfortunately for him, the pshrink on duty knew him and knew he was no more suicidal than the next guy and was just playing a game again. So when the paperwork came back it said "Smock only".

Oooooooo...... snap. And it was pretty close to 20 degrees outside. Bare concrete cell, hard bare concrete bunk. And nothing but a little kevlar smock.

Dammit.

He kicked and screamed and demanded a blanket and a mattress. Day shift told him all he gets is a smock. When we came in we told him all he gets is a smock. When midnights came in they told him all he gets is a smock.

He screamed "I'm freezing my a** off in here!"

I said "It's the middle of winter and you are playing stupid games. Maybe tomorrow you will get your clothes back. For now, you are out of luck." And then under my breath I muttered "Dumba**".

And when I came in today he was still in that same camera cell in C-wing. He had his clothes and bedding back, but spent most of the time curled up in bed under the covers. Still trying to warm back up, I guess.

Maybe he learned a lesson.

But I doubt it.