Sunday, January 6, 2013

Call Me "Sensei"

Well, here I am.  Back again.

For a night.

Or a week.

Or another three year stretch.  Who knows?

I just couldn't let the night go by without mentioning it.

We've been so short of help lately (for various reasons I won't go into) that the overtime list looks more like the reel on a slot machine it spins around so fast.  I've been lucky that the shortages on our shift always happen while I'm there and most of the shortages on midnights happen on my days off.

So I've been lucky and unlucky.  There are too many people for me to work a day off and just not enough call ins to make me work a double so far.  The odds will catch up to me soon, though.

Ah, well.

Today was an extra special treat.  Sgt Uncle T came in and worked a day off so he could get off of the doubles list and the only spot they had for him to work was as a COI on B-yard under me.  So we had two Sergeants and poor St Francis out there stuck between us.

It was very strange being the yard Sergeant and having Uncle T out there working for me instead of the other way around.  But kind of cool in a way, too.

I went up to Main Production to do a security check just as Uncle T was checking the fences and Goosey was out there cackling over the situation.

"It has to be karma!" Goosey said "The student has become the teacher!"

I just smiled and bowed and said "Call me sensei."

It was a pretty good night.  Uncle T and St Francis gave each other crap all night long.  Just like any two other yard dawgs generally do.  They yakked back and forth and insulted each other constantly.  And every time St Francis would get off a good one, Uncle T would yell "You just wait til tomorrow!  I'll be your Sergeant again tomorrow!  You just wait!"

They never change.

The only weird thing that happened tonight was during chow.  Uncle T was up on the hill watching the inmates and St Francis was down at the front doing pat searches as they came out of the chow hall.  He pats this inmate down and reaches into the guys coat pocket and pulls out a instant coffee jar full of some yellow liquid.  They aren't supposed to take anything out of the chow hall.  Food or drinks or anything.

So he just tosses the jar behind him on the ground and when it hits the top pops open and that yellow liquid splatters all over my pants and boots.

I had no idea what it was.  It looked just like..... a jar full of yellow liquid.  With a little bit of bubbly foam on the top like it was fairly fresh.  I only saw it for an instant before it popped open and went all over my pants.

I just kind of froze in the spot and looked at St Francis and said "Are you f***ing kidding me?"

He stood there for a second bewildered by the murderous look on my face.

Then it dawned on him what I was so pissed off about.

"It was juice, man!  It's Kool-Aid from the chow hall!  I swear!"

The urge to strangle him subsided a bit, but never really went away.

And every time anyone asked me how my night was going I said "St Francis threw pee on my boots.  How do you think it's going?"

P.S.  I didn't find out until after I posted this that one or the other of those chowderheads dumped the bottom of my lunchbox full of potato chips crumbs and toilet paper.

It's good to be loved.

I guess.


  1. Good to see your back Rev. Started me a new blog while you were gone. It is going to be my huntin and fishin adventures I have lived haha. It's at

    1. TJ- It's good to see you back too, big'un! When you coming back to work? I'll go over there and give it a look. I can't say I'll be as thrilled if there aren't any zombies, tho. (wink)

  2. Welcome back, Rev. I've missed reading you!

    I'm still in outer intergalactic spaceport in sight so it may be a while, but I appreciate you being up and running so I have some reading material out here! *grin*

    1. Jenny Lou- I've missed being here. I probably won't go back to posting every day like I did. That's part of what led to my burnout, I think. But I'll be back now and then.

  3. Good to see you back, rev. I was beginning to wonder if the Hive got the best of you.

    1. Scotteroo- Didn't mean to skip you, really. I type better with my glasses off but obviously I don't see better with them off.

  4. Hey there, Reverential! We've been holding down the fort - such as it is.

    Too many people pulling too much overtime sounds dangerous in your vocation. Be careful.

    1. Bryan- I knew I could count on you.

      And yeah, tired people working at a prison is a recipe for disaster.

      Maybe we should all transfer to the nuclear power plant instead. (grin)

  5. I warned him to behave.
    I tried to send a collar & leash with him, Rev.
    And once I even said a silent prayer for you
    when I heard ambulance sirens going down
    the prison road.
    I just knew he had given you a brain explosion!!

    Mine put the wet toilet paper in your lunch box
    & Julie's was the one who layered the bottom
    of it with the old-ass crunched up chips..
    And they both knew from the get-go that a sgt had volunteered to work over & you wouldn't have to stay, but they let you sweat it out all night.

    That being said...
    You wouldn't happen to know who stuck the
    naked blow-up doll in the LT's front yard & then swithched the blame on to my doofus, would ya?

    1. Cindy- he told me about the collar and leash. I laughed. Pretty sure he didn't get it, but I did. (wink)

      They gave me hell, but I expected it. I would have done the same thing. And have done the same thing. It all evens out.

      And I did hear part of that story. I'll see if I can ferret out the real culprit for you, okay?

  6. Welcome back Rev. Your posts remind me why I'm never screwing up enough to be a guest

    1. Joe- I'd much rather be a guest of yours then you of mine. Your place looks like a lot more fun!

  7. OK. Don't acknowledge me. It's cool. I'll just be over there --------> pouting and everything.

    1. Scotty- Aw snap. Sorry. That's what i get for blogging tired, man.

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