Music Review

Since it was a typical Wednesday and nothing caught on fire, nothing worth reporting happened today so I thought I might give a music review instead.

Actually there was one small incident. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'll lay it out there anyway. I was up in the comm room thinking to myself that it was probably time to go out and smoke before the next rush hit when the phone rang.

It was Miz Fawkes, down at the front desk. She said:

"Hey Revvy, wanna go puff on one with me?"

There was this sound of tires screeching and a crash of metal and the tinkle of broken glass as the two halves of my mind locked up simultaneously. Summoning up the best of what witty repartee I had on hand I said "What?"

She said "Let's go smoke."

Okay. I can do that. Sometimes working in a prison puts your brain in a permanently bad place.

So anyway, JohnT loaned me a CD of Mad Season. Their album was called Above. I had never heard of them and I was pretty surprised when I liked their music.

The story is that Mike McCready from Pearl Jam met John Baker Saunders from the Lamont Cranston Band in a rehab clinic and they thought they might put together some music together. They got together with Barrett Martin from the Screaming Trees and pulled in Layne Staley from Alice In Chains in hopes that being around other musicians who were sober would do him some good.

I know it doesn't sound like a good basis for a band, but it turned out okay. I wasn't a big Alice In Chains fan but I did like Pearl Jam. Most of their stuff was pretty good. This album ends up being a mix of those styles.

The best song on the album was called 'River of Deceit'. I liked it. Check it out.

In other news, Vinnie turned me on to 'Ghost Chickens In The Sky'. It's worth watching.
I cackled. It cracked me up. Insert more bad egg puns here.

So that much sums up my day. Tomorrow is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day.

Wheee..... I have no idea what I'm going to do with that one. I'll leave it up to you.

Ask An Inmate

When I went through the academy Lo, these many years ago, one of the best pieces of advice they gave us was "If nobody else knows what to do, ask an inmate."

When I first heard that, I thought they were pulling my leg. Surely they weren't serious.

They weren't and they were.

Of course you do have to be careful about which inmate you ask. That's where experience comes in.

I misread the chrono and thought I was in Main Production today but instead I was in A-dining. In Main Production you have another officer with you in case you don't know what to do. In A-dining you are on your own.

The cooks are there, of course, and they are usually a great help. But they are often busy with their own thing and don't have time to babysit if you don't have a clue.

Most of the offenders who worked there knew me. They knew that I didn't know what was going on most of the time but they also knew that I would treat them fairly if they treated me fairly. And that worked out okay.

They kept me straight on what needed to happen when. They let me know when I needed to open the doors and unlock this and that and give them access to things they needed to do their jobs. Basically I was just a large ambulatory fairly amiable keyring. In return they did their jobs well and quickly and we actually got done about half an hour early.

There were a couple of times when they asked me to do things and I didn't do them right away and I found out later that it would have been much better if I had done them when first asked. And I was big enough to say "You were right. Next time we'll do it your way."

All in all, despite having to get up and go in early it was a pretty good day. Nobody got hurt and nobody escaped. And I got to wander the yard for half an hour and chat with a few people before going home. That was nice.

There was no need for Smoke and Mirrors today. Hopefully the festival suited some needy magician or down at the heels politician somewhere who needed the help.

Wednesday is I Am In Control Day. Wow. I'll feel just like Al Haig after the president got shot. Even if he was wrong.

A Twist Of Fate

So many things happened today and I only really have time to relate one of them. It was such a day that we had to spend half an hour in the parking lot filling each other in on all of the little details that we missed.

And here it it 12:30 am and I have to be at work in 10-1/2 hours. Pfui. Main production. What a pain. But at least I get off at 7:00.

Even though it's already tomorrow I'm going to pretend it's not so I can write all of this in the present tense. Time travel and the syntax required gives me the weevils.

This afternoon right after count an inmate in one of the houses tried, very earnestly, to rehabilitate himself. Don't exactly know why at this point and it's not really germane to the story.

For whatever reason, he waited until they went by his cell for count, then slipped down behind the door to hide. He then slit his wrists with a razor blade and hung his hands over the toilet.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, count was messed up somewhere and they had a recount. When they recounted, they couldn't see anybody in that cell. So they did it again and when they looked closer, they could see his hands and the blood in the toilet.

Apparently it was a very near thing. I was told that another minute or two and he would have gone to that great penitentiary in the sky. But they managed to save him and now he's sitting in the rubber room in the prison up the road with stitches in his wrists and a very disgruntled look on his face.

So with that to start our day off, since they were doing the paperwork for that (loads and loads of paperwork, many a might tree was felled this day) there was a fight on B-yard, a check-in form somewhere and another lock up from 10 house and some idiot in the Hive who needed to go on suicide watch but refused requiring large amounts of pepper spray and a movement team during the 10:00 pm count.

They kept us hopping and hopping mad, as temper were short everywhere. Plus we were already short people because of training and the dog team squad being out and we were shuffled around like cheap plastic dominoes on a finely waxed table all night long.

There are days when we certainly don't get paid enough for what we do and this was one of them.

And that, my friends, is about all I have to say about that. I need to get to bed and try to unwind so I can get up early and do it all over again.

But I will check the calendar before I go. Oh joy, this sounds tempting.

Tomorrow (today) is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day.

That sounds an awful lot like how we generate paperwork. Hoo boy.

Footsore Friday

I'm sure glad this week is over. I have walked and walked and walked! Except for my one day in the comm room, I have been on the yard every day this week. And even that day I had to trot down to 10 house because they smelled smoke.

The Fireman has been on vacation and they put me in his spot again today. And of course, it was his night to do the Del Norte walk. And because Sgt Uncle Buck made ET (also known as "The Boy") do count and relief at 3 house, I got to do that walk again tonight.

Ah well. I don't mind doing it so much. Gets me off by myself for twenty minutes or so. And it got me good and warmed up. Temps in the low 40's today and wet. It didn't actually rain on us but it was quite wet and cold.

Monday they have me scheduled for A-yard yet again but Tuesday I'm 11-7 in Main Production. Yuck. I hate going in early. It's not that it's alot of work. I have to walk around now and then and do alot of pat searches. It's just the getting there early part I don't care for.

I'll survive.

So I guess I'll go over the weekend lineup and toddle off to night-night land.

Saturday is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day. I guess if I lived closer I'd cruise over to Chester, Illinois for the Spinach Festival. I've always been a Popeye fan. I'd be interested to know what holidays anybody made up.

Sunday is National "Joe" Day . Think I'll have a big cup of Joe to celebrate.

And Monday is Something On A Stick Day. I'll bet Jeff Dunham likes this one! Ole!

Our Poor Toolbox!

Disclaimer: The following statements are based on unsubstantiated rumors and may not have any basis at all in fact.

There is a rumor going around that at one of the other prisons in this state an inmate has died after a use of the stun shield. Apparently of a massive coronary arrest.

By policy we are allowed to..... I can't think of any other word other than 'zap', so that's what I'm going to use. By policy we are allowed to zap them up to three times for a period of no more than five to eight (or three to five, I forget) seconds each time if they continue to resist. If, after three applications of the stun effect, they continue to resist, you can no longer use the electricity as a tool. It just becomes a shield after that.

Of course at any time they stop resisting you are required to stop zapping them.

It's the rule.

Anyway, the rumor mill has it that this offender was zapped twice with the shield, given some injections ordered by medical staff, and placed in one of the rubber rooms.

And the next time somebody checked on him he was....... no longer spiritually incarcerated.

But you know how these places work. They won't possibly blame it on natural causes. How could they? And they can't blame the medical staff of the doctor who ordered the injections. Don't be ludicrous.

They will blame it on us and our use of the stun shield. And possibly the movement team.

If there is any truth to this, they will be sending out a stiff memo and all of the stun shields will be pulled from armories all over the state. And there's a good chance that all movement team activities will be suspended pending a review. And some of their reviews take years.

So there go a few more tools out of our box.

The day they finally take away my pepper spray and my personal cuffs I'm going home.

Ya just gotta wonder about this business sometimes. Sheesh!

Well, I screwed up again and I forgot to get any Raisinettes, so I didn't get to celebrate Chocolate Covered Raisin Day. And I was so looking forward to that.

And tomorrow (well, today, actually. It's after midnight) is Pecan Day and Waffle Day. I'm not a big pecan fan but I do love waffles. But the way things have been going I'm not going to get any of those either. Pfui!

I Did My Duty

Being Wednesday, it was my comm room night, of course. I was hoping for a calm night, or at least one with little or no walking involved after spending the last two nights on the yard.

Alas, it was not to be.

I usually listen to the radio up there with half an ear. I'm not really supposed to respond to anything from up there since I'm the only one.

So when they called the Code 70 (fire) in 10 house, I didn't really pay that much attention. But after a few seconds passed and I did some mental math in my head, a small dim light went on in my brain.

Who is on the fire brigade other than me? Sgt's McGiggles, Homer and Archer. The watcher and me.

Oh snap. I'm the only one here!

Called the Lt and told him where I was and that I was going. Grabbed a set of yard keys in case I needed to get through any gates, tossed the comm room keys in the chuck hole in the control center and burned out.

On the way a bazillion thoughts were running through my mind:

"Man, I hope nothing's really on fire!"

"I wish they had given me some sort of freaking training on what I was supposed to do!"

"I really hope nothing's actually on fire!"

"Should I have gotten a different set of keys?"

"I really really hope nothing is on fire down there! Snap!"

Fortunately it took me so long to trot down there that several people beat me to it. They had already evacuated all of the inmates and were outside counting them. Lt Farmer and Sgt Time and Miz Fawkes were searching the building.

Somebody had smelled what they thought was something electrical burning and made the call. By the time I got there, it had dissipated. Not surprising, considering we had 22 mph winds outside.

We checked the place over pretty thoroughly and couldn't find anything burning. With a huge sigh of relief, I called over the radio to cancel the Code 70.

Man! I was glad nothing was actually on fire! They might have expected me to do something about it!

I gotta get me some training. Soon.

Since I didn't get to organize my office (more on that later) and I did have chips but no dip, I can only consider today to be a partial victory.

However, tomorrow is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day. I'm stopping on the way in and getting me a big box of Raisinettes on the way to work. I'll be able to get this one right, I just know it!

Complaint Department

We have a complaint process for the offenders to follow when they feel that they have been wronged or even slighted.

Short of filing a lawsuit, they can file an "Informal Resolution Request" , or IRR as it is known. They jot down their grievance and send it to whoever is higher up the food chain than whoever they are complaining about, usually their caseworker or FUM. That person then routs it to whoever the grievance is directed to and they have to write an answer to how the problem can be resolved.

A lot of inmates abuse this process. They file over and over about piddly things or make stuff up to try and get rid of a staff member who is doing their job maybe a little zealously. They also threaten to file them on us, expecting that to intimidate us. Unfortunately we can't write them up for threats when they do that. Oh lawsy that would be sweet!

I found part of an IRR out on the yard tonight. It had been torn up and only part of it was left. I didn't get the offenders name or number, but I did get his housing unit and the part with his complaint.

His complaint was that the housing unit staff were "constantly harassing" him verbally and "cursing and threatening" him for no reason.

I could tell that he was trying to make his complaint sound as valid and coherent as possible. There were a couple of phrases that stuck in my mind:

"With this predicated authority, they are utilizing themselves as a hoe to weed out the offenders that they feel could be or are problematic."

And:

"It is fundamental principle that reasonably competent officers would look at this as being an abuse of discretion and made in bad faith."

Huh?

I think somebody borrowed a thesaurus. Or maybe a copy of the Declaration.

But the best part of it was the part where he was supposed to write down what he thought would solve his dilemma. He wrote:

"To elevate any further problems, I would like to be moved to another house."

I repeat, huh? Elevate? Maybe you should have borrowed a dictionary too, bub!

I just love it when they try to sound official because most of them do it so poorly. Ah well. If it wasn't for the dimwitted, I'd be out of a job.

It wasn't much of a Goof Off Day for me. They walked my legs off out on the yard with escorts and such. maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow.

Oh, that's just somewhat cruel.

Tomorrow is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day.

I hope I have chips and dip, because my office is still screwed up and likely to stay that way for awhile. Pfui. Chips, anyone?