Name Calling

Sometimes given names aren't the worst. Parents can saddle their children with some hideous burdens for names, but occasionally the names we give ourselves are the worst. Almost everybody on the prison grounds has a "yard name". It's either something they've thought up themselves or sometimes it's something they've gotten stuck with unintentionally. We see alot of the gang-related hip-hop sort of handles like D-Boy and J-Dawg (everybody wants to be named something-dawg for some stupid reason) and E-Cat. And regional names like Eastside and Detroit and Los Angeles. There was a kid once who called himself Russia, trying to sound exotic. I know a couple of words in russian and they are insults and he didn't understand either one of them. Turned out he was from Ohio. And of course, there's a thousand guys named Slim. And we gots a bazillion Big this and Little that.

Occasionally someone will try to make up a name for themselves and it comes out sounding completely stupid. We had a couple of guys several years ago who called themselves Sandman and White Knight. Sounded like CB handles. They slung those names around like they were somebody and everyone should know who they were. We did. They were two of the most pathetic losers I had ever come across.

Some of the names are self-explanatory. When you meet a man named Miss Anne, or Kiki or Precious or Lucy then you know exactly who you are talking to. If you run across some buzzed out freak with no teeth calling himself Meth Head you can just say "Yup" and move on.

But some of the names are repulsive to say the least and would be insulting under any circumstances. If you walked up to someone out on the streets and called them Fat Bastard or Donkey Mouth or Creep they'd probably smack you right in the beezer. But inside the fence it's just fine. I've been called some nasty names, but none of them ever stuck.

In the old days nicknames weren't quite so harsh. Of course there was Creepy Carpis and Fat Tony (who could forget Fat Tony?) but we also had Pretty Boy Floyd and Machine Gun Kelly and Legs Diamond and Lucky Luciano and Bugs Moran. Just don't call him Bugs to his face.

Watching People Work

We have someone new in our house. One of the yard dogs has come to play with us. I'll call him "Big H", or just BH for short. Seems like a decent enough cat. When he was out on the yard he was always coming down to do our escorts and stuff and he appears to not mind working, which is a good thing. Yesterday I had the desk job and today he took it. I asked him if he really wanted it, tuesday being one of our busiest days. He said he'd give it a try. "But" he said "If we get slammed, you'll have to help me out, probably." I said I would help if he needed it and toddled off to start AdSeg committee and such. The things we get hammered with on tuesdays. I looked in now and then and BH seemed to be doing fine.

It turns out that I really don't like watching other people work. It drives me crackers. Not that was doing a bad job or anything. He was doing fine. But he wasn't doing things in the order that I would have done them and in the time I would have done them. I kept seeing things not done and running in and doing them for him. And I had forgotten that he'd only done the desk two or three times and didn't know everything. I'd run in and say "Where's the (insert thing here)?" And he'd say "I didn't know we did that!" That happened several times during the day.

I'm not a very good teacher, either. I don't have the patience. I'd rather just do it myself than teach someone how and I shouldn't be like that. Alot of that stems from having so many staff there who don't give a rats a** and are more than happy for you to do it if you know how. BH is trying to learn the job and I should have more patience. Unfortunately, patience is not something I have an overabundance of at this time.

I really should do something about that. I think I need to relax.

Yeah. I'll write that on my "to do" list.

We got through the day okay and nothing got screwed up. Well, not more than usual, anyway. I think BH will work out fine. But I purely do hate watching someone else work.

Man! I'm glad it's my friday......

And Time Flies Like An Arrow

Five years and six months ago I started work with the DOC. Seven moths ago I went from evening shift to days. Only four months ago I discovered blogs, blogging, and all the merry blogsterizers out there. It seems much longer than that. I feel like I've been sitting here doing this for years. Of course, if I had been, I'd probably be able to think of much more things to say.

I need to start keeping notes and occasionally writing a few entries ahead for these dry days when nothing much happens.

A Blustery Day

No poo. Or Pooh. No bees, hunny, rabbit, piglet or owl either. But a blustery day nonetheless. Last week this time we had freezing rain and sleet. Today was almost seventy degrees outside. Unseasonably warm and unseasonably dangerous. I believe we might still be under a tornado warning. Was hotter than hell out in the wings and I went down to turn the big heaters off. The whinebags in the cells started crying and cursing me. Quoth one knucklehead "Hey you fat bit**! Turn the fu**ing heat back on!" I hope the poor wee lad isn't too cold tonight. There's a few CO's that don't know where the heat controls are. I hope they are all on shift tonight.

Pretty much a nothing day. I needed one of those.

Time Well Spent

Time well, spent, indeed. This is where the big bada** CO turns into a little kid. My dad and stepmom know that I have kind of a thing for dragons. SO I get alot of dragon stuff. They got me the big dragon book on the lower left for my birthday back in october and the other two for christmas. The other big one contained twelve cardboard dragon models. The kind you have to fit the slots together.... you know. They were kind of a pain to do with these big clummocky fingers I got but my daughter has long slender fingers and she helped out "poor old dad" with his toys. Together we spent a few hours going through the books and putting the models together. I think she actually had more fun doing that than playing guitar hero. But she wouldn't admit to that in a bazillion years.

Tomorrow I get to go back to being a professional jerk. Today I got to play with models and figure out puzzles and get beat at wii bowling by my daughter. Snap, she even beat me at wii golf! Me! I may never live it down.......

Christmas Eve

The first time in five years I have had off for christmas. If you don't count the year I was sick for two days. I'm just glad I'm here and not there, for a change.

Hope you all have a very merry christmas, hanukkah, kwanzaa, or whatever it is you celebrate.

I'm looking forward to a silent night.

Black Tuesday

'Twas the day before the day before Christmas and all through the house....... everything and everybody was freaking nuts. I have a real love/hate relationship with tuesdays. Tuesday is my friday, and it's the busiest day of my week.

The head pshrink lady came down and saw all the offenders on suicide watch and close obs. She released three of them completely off watch, since their actions were mostly behavioral rather than actual mental issues, and left the one guy with real mental issues on close obs. This included PB, who got all of his clothes and his property back. We thought maybe he had learned his lesson and was going to behave himself and lay down and do his time.

As soon as she was done we started the AdSeg committee. Whew. Twenty four inmates to pull out and interview. Only one of them got stupid and had to be "escorted" back into his cell. I kept waiting to hear a "thump"...... but he went back fairly peacefully despite the fact that his pie hole flapped open the whole way back. Some people never learn not to bite that hand the "literally" feeds them.

I was on the desk, btw. The whole boards and breakdowns and computers and number juggling thing. Snap. I've still got eraser spoogles under my fingernails.

As soon as they are done they bring me the list of those offenders being released from the house. Seventeen of them. Yikes!

Oh, and while all this was going on, the phone kept ringing and they were steadily locking people up. I believe ten lockups while I was there with two more on the way as I was leaving. It was a real juggling act going on out in the sallyport and another involving numbers and files and paperwork in the office. My numbers changed so many times I almost erased through the paper and I have a crick in my neck from writing and holding the phone to my ear at the same time.

And during all of this PB gets the idea first that he's going to be released, since he's no longer on suicide watch. He demands to go to a regular house. When we explain that he's racked up enough violations to be with us until march, he's not real happy. Then he says there are other people in the cell with him (there aren't and he knows it) and he demands to be moved to another cell with a real cellie. This kid has just not figured out that making demands isn't going to work for him. That doesn't work either. So he smears food (just peanut butter this time) on his cell camera. It's my guess he'll be back on suicide watch before I come back on friday.

I could have kissed the third shift guys when they came in. If I didn't think they'd like it and get the wrong idea, I might have. (grin)

Thus ended tuesday/friday. Me, I'm gonna hibernate for the next two days.