Taking One For The Team

I made a tactical error the other night and now my conscience is making me pay for it.

When I came in Lt Chipmunk asked me if I knew anything about the Control Center. I said "I can open the gates and the doors and stuff. But I don't know anything about doing count or any of the computer stuff."

He said he didn't have anybody who knew what they were doing to work up there so he was putting one brand new guy and Bilderberger up there. Neither one of which knows beans about working the Control Center.

All I could see was a massive train wreck and I threw up my hands and said "No thanks. I'll go work 30 house where I'm supposed to."

Since Sgt Puddle called out they stuck Sgt Banty up there. He knows how to do count and has a fair grip on working the place but not the experience that Puddle has. Banty has only been up there a couple of times. Both counts cleared and on time, (thanks in part to the lovely Miz Twang who came up to help even though she was on light duty) but for most of the evening I heard repeated radio calls to have gates and doors opened and several radio calls that got missed altogether.

Anyway, I felt horrible that I had left Banty in that position. I should have gone up there and helped. But I wasn't aware of all the facts until it was too late.

So today I talked to Sgt Puddle and Lt Baby Boy and said to go ahead and start putting me up there so I can learn that stuff.

I really don't want to. It actually scares the crap out of me thinking that I might be responsible for making all of those numbers come out right. It is so easy to screw up in the Control Center and ruin everybody's day. That's why I have avoided being up there this long. Actually just thinking about it gave me the heebie jeebies.

But we are running out of people who know how to work up there. All it takes is for one or two people to call out at the same time and we could end up royally screwed.

So I'm going to do it. The best I can, anyway. Not bidding on the post, just willing to act as a fill-in when they need somebody now and then. As much as I like the crew up there, I don't think I'm the right person to be up there full time.

I'm just not the kind of person you want to be locked into a twenty foot square glass room with for eight hours, if you get my drift. Not all the time, anyway.

I figure if I can put aside my personal fears for awhile and avoid making one night go bad then it will be worth it.

Damn. I'm just a freaking prince, aint I? <-- Note, if you will, the sarcastic sneer on my lips.

**sigh**

Okay, now that my moment of self pity is out of the way, let's look at the calendar.

Thursday will be Bad Poetry Day (There once was a man from Nantucket...), Birth Control Pill Day (really?), Mail Order Catalog Day (Yay!) and Cupcake Day. Yum!

A Different Face?

My friend Greenghost who used to work with me down in the Hive sent me an email the other day and it really got me thinking.

It said:

"I was reading your last post and it really made me stop and think about myself ...past and present. Before I went to work for the state I was a very simple person. I went to work. I enjoyed good well made boots , cold beer and fishing. I was a timid person also. I tried to avoid conflict. Now don't get me wrong I didn't go looking for fights but I wouldn't back down from one. Then it happened. I got a job with the DOC. And after my time there it made me a very aggressive person. The things people cringe at.....I laugh. I try to find things that will get my heart rate up but can't. I find myself standing in rooms filled with people and hunting out all the exit routs and positioning myself in a spot I feel safe. My mouth opens at the most inconvenient moments and how I feel pours out or I should say what feels good pours out. I wish I could find something I fear. What I mean is I think we loose part of our human side after working there and our emotions just fade away. I would love to feel fear again. I know that sounds crazy. I watch people's movements differently. I listen to what others say and the way they say it. I don't like most people so I stay at home most of the time. People just piss me off. I still stand defensively I still talk with authority in my voice. And the worst one of all. My boots still sit by the front door."

I know exactly how he feels. Working here has changed me and my demeanor in alot of ways and not all of them good.

I no longer enjoy having alot of interaction with other people face to face and not at all with strangers. When I meet or see somebody that I don't know I start wondering if they are carrying a weapon and where they might have it. When I'm in a strange place I try and spot the exits before I can feel comfortable at all.

And I really, really don't like crowds. If I'm in a place and someone bumps into me from behind they risk getting their arm broken or their instep stomped on.

I'm alot ruder than I used to be. Of course, that might be just all part of getting old. I don't know. And sometimes I do it without even thinking. I was in Walmart one day and there was this punk teenager with his pants sagging around his butt cheeks. I just yelled out "Hey! Pull your damn pants up!"

And he did it.

And then he walked away really quickly.

I probably shouldn't have done that. But I spend all day doing it at work and it gets to be a habit. And that sagging thing with their hats on sideways really aggravates me.

As for my sense of humor......

Let's just say it was pretty twisted when I started and it hasn't really improved any.

I can't really say if I am "better" or "worse" a person that I used to be. But I am definitely a different person now.

So Wednesday (back in the comm room) is going to be National Thriftshop Day, National Medical Dosimetrist Day (you got me) and the Meaning Of "Is" Day. Which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Enjoy!

Back In The Saddle Again

It felt a little strange putting on my uniform today. It was the first time I had worn long pants other than my flannel pj's in two weeks.

That duty belt felt like it weighed twenty pounds when I strapped it around my hips and when I added the radio and the set of yard keys I thought I might fall over.

Despite the fact that it was too hot and I was too broke to do anything much it sounds like I picked the right two weeks to take my vacation. There were several fights and a couple of 10-5's and a few uses of force and I'm sure if I had been there I would have gotten involved in at least some of that mess.

By the way, a big shout out to Miz T for thinking about me. I really appreciated the thought. I wouldn't have taken your money, but I was touched nonetheless.

With all the activity that had gone on I was a little nervous about what today might hold. I wanted to ease back into it slowly if at all possible. I sure didn't want to have to run my first day back. And, with that thought in mind, I almost had to.

They had just opened the yards for the evening. The offenders were still streaming out of the houses onto the yard. I was up by central standing in the shade of a tree where I could see a fair distance when I heard this radio call: "10-49! 10-49! Garble garble garble..."

A 10-49 is a fight, by the way.

It was like one of those stop action sequences they do in the movies to increase the tension of the scene. My eyes went wide and my pupils dilated. My heart rate jumped up. My hands went from resting on my belt to by my sides, arms slightly bent, ready to reach or run. I stood up to my full height and almost went up on my tiptoes and I took half a step forward to balance on the balls of my feet, trying to decide which direction I had to go. I started scanning the yard, trying to see somebody moving or running. I looked down the walk and saw Meanie about fifty yards away doing the same weird little dance I was.

All of that took place in the space of about two seconds. I couldn't see anything and I was just thinking about moving in one direction or the other and they finally managed to repeat the transmission "10-49! A-yard in front of 3 house!"

Aw snap! All the way across the camp and at least two gates between here and there. About the time I decided that my best bet would be to go through central, Sgt Moon called over the radio and said "10-6 the 10-49 on A-yard!"

That meant they had it under control and didn't need any more help. Whew! I was pretty happy about that. From the bits I heard both fighters got pepper sprayed and at least one of them got bloodied enough that he had to go to the hospital. Probably for stitches.

Not only did I pick the right two weeks to take off I picked the right side of the camp to be on when I came back. The little creeps on our side all behaved themselves and we got through the evening with nobody doing anything stupid.

I was pretty happy about that, let me tell you.

And I can tell from the way my legs feel that I need to start getting back on the treadmill in the mornings again. Sitting on my butt for two weeks did me no good at all.

All in all, it felt good to be back in prison.

I just had to see if I could write that sentence out with a straight face. I couldn't. Whew!

So tomorrow they have me scheduled to work in 30 house and I'm not at all thrilled about that. I don't much care for that house. But I'll survive. Hopefully, anyway.

Tuesday is going to be the National Bratwurst Festival as well as Joe Miller's Joke Day and National Airborne Day.

The Final Days

Friday night. The last official day of my vacation.

It seems like it has lasted forever and been gone in an instant.

I'm sure the wife will be glad to have me out of the house again. I was upsetting her routines. Plus I was getting bored and eating more. Monday I can go back to just eating once a day and save us money on groceries.

Have I accomplished anything? No, not so much. Finally got my office back together. Got the floor in and most of my stuff back where I can find it. Still a few things I can't find here and there. And some wall space that needs filling, but I'm getting there.

Finished two books and started three more.

Finished:
Brain Droppings by George Carlin
Cruel Zinc Melodies by Glen Cook

Started:
The Devils Guide To Hollywood by Joe Ezterhas
The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan
The Mammoth Book of Humor by Geoff Tibballs

I always have multiple books going so I can have something to read depending on my mood at the moment.

I guess I could have planned this vacation a little better. I didn't have any money to spend and I'm out of useable wood down in the shop. I had a couple of projects that I really needed to get done and a couple I wanted to start on but, once again, no money and no wood.

For the most part of the time it was too dang hot to go outside and do anything anyway. The few times I went down to the shop I was covered in sweat within minutes. Even if I went down early of a morning or after the sun went down.

But I did catch up on watching "Bones" finally. I got interested late and kept asking my wife questions about what was happening so she told me to watch them all in order. Since I had time, I figured "Why not?" So, every night after dinner we sit down and watch a few episodes. I am now about midway through Season Four and about caught up.

Holy snap. What an exciting life I lead. It's okay... Don't be frightened. I'll slow down some and not scare you like that anymore. I promise. (rolls his eyes)

I really need to go back to work. Two more days. Phew!

Here's the lineup for the weekend: Saturday is going to be Blame Someone Else Day, International Left Hander's day and Garage Sale Day.

Sunday will be National Creamsicle Day, National Navajo Code Talkers Day and V-J Day.

Monday will be National Relaxation Day and National Failures Day as well as Best Friends Day.

Blogging To The Oldies Pt 9

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Listening In

Sometimes just sitting around listening is the best fun I can have at work. These guys will come off with the oddest stuff when they think you're not listening. Hell, I even overheard someone confess to a murder once. I made notes and turned them over to the investigator who supposedly turned it over to the police.

I keep a notebook in my pocket and will usually burn through a whole one in a month writing notes to myself. Here's a small sampling of the odd junk in my notebook from just the last couple of weeks:

"I just flicked ashes in your stuff..."

OK, I know that's not all that odd, but I wondered what "stuff" he had out that got ashes in it?

"I'm not a big fan of dick, thank you..."

That's funny, I had heard he was...

"He tattooed 'Game Over' on his eyelids and two days later he shot himself in the head."

Hmmm.... This is your brain on drugs..... any questions?

"I wasn't about to tell them the damn truth! I'm a criminal!!!"

And a rather pathetic one, at that.

"Just because I play games with the babies out on the yard doesn't mean I'm gay."

Yes, it does.

And this one was the best one of all. They guy who said this was in a cell all by himself. Suddenly he launched out with a whole string of profanity that lasted for several minutes and then he screamed:

"You know me..... You know I'm God....... So why in hell did I have to be circumcised?"

Oh, snap! I hope he doesn't try to fix that little problem himself. That could sting a bit.

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There were times when I didn't have to do anything at all to be amused with my job. I could just sit there and listen. Good times. Good times.

Friday is almost upon us. **sigh** That means my vacation is winding down to an end.

It's probably a good thing. If I was home another week I suspect that my wife would poison me.

So Friday is going to be Middle Child's Day (hey, that's me!) as well as IBM PC Day, International Youth Day, Kool Aid Day, Sewing machine Day and Vinyl Record Day.

Remember vinyl records?

Blogging To The Oldies Pt 8

Friday, January 16, 2009

Snapped

Ok, I admit it. I snapped. Just a little. But I did lose my cool there and had to walk out of the office. And of course, I had to let everyone know that I was pissed off. Sometimes you gotta. I started to open my mouth and I knew if I did, it wouldn't be good. So I slammed the drawer shut where I was working and walked (stormed, slammed, raged) wordlessly out of the office. I went and stood in front of the sallyport door and let the cold breeze coming through the cracks blow on my face. The Bubble Guy came over and looked and decided I'd say something if I wanted out and left me there. That was good. It was freaking cold outside.

A moment or two later everyone in the office dispersed and I could go in and finish what I was doing. And the stupidity subsided.

I know... I know. I'm always singing the same tunes.......

1) The job is difficult enough, why make it any harder? and
2)If we don't work together, the inmates win.

They didn't win today, but it was a close game. A photo finish, I believe.

It didn't start out too bad, at first. Just a normal friday. We were packed full, but we were going to kick out a few so we'd have some beds for the three day weekend. Then there was a 10-5 (officer needs assistance RIGHT NOW) call all the way across the camp. I was in the process of putting cuffs on an inmate to open the door and give him his meds when it was called. I almost tore his hands off getting them back. I had to go back and apologize later. Then we had to do three room moves to make room in C-wing for whoever was getting locked up from that one. They always go in C-wing after something like that so we can monitor their behavior. So we got that done and waited for the miscreant to be brought to the house. Some little old crazy dude who looks like he could have played an extra in "Deliverance". It didn't suprise me too much. I've been watching him and he just keeps getting more and more squirrely.

Anyway, that happened. Then Poop Boy was up to his old tricks again. Acting a fool and being a Richard. (I don't know him well enough to just call him "Dick") And more lockups and someone over in A-wing turned up with some awful contagious skin critters and his cellie probably had them too and they both had to go to medical and take a shower with some patented Critter-Kill'r soap and everything in their cell had to be bagged up and hauled off and if that wasn't bad enough, everyone had to keep arguing arguing arguing arguing arguing about every little thing and cutting each other off and not really listening to what was being said and just freaking arguing for the freaks sake of it and I finally had enough and had to walk out and cool off for awhile.

But I'm feeling much better now. Even if third shift was late getting in and I had to do med pass all the way til 3:30.

I feel better.

One more day on day shift. I can do this.
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Hoo. That was not a good day.

When I have to drive all the way home to scream on the internet.... Yikes.

There just wasn't a whole lot of good times during my little jaunt to day shift.

But I'm doing much better now.

Thursday is going to be Presidential Joke Day (let's just leave it alone, please), and Ingersoll Day.

Blogging To The Oldies Pt 7

Friday, November 7, 2008

That's Not Funny.... That's Sick!!!

Ok, we had one of those moments today. If you weren't one of us and you didn't work where we do, you'd think we were a band of twisted freaks.

Well.... we are, but it comes with the territory.

There's an inmate (you know by now I don't name names) who is very disturbed and spends alot of time in our housing unit. He got placed on suicide watch by the head Pshrink lady today because he was in the cell laughing to himself and muttering strange dark things. We tried to tell her he does this all the time, but she wanted it done, so.... He gets stripped out and put in a camera cell with a kevlar smock and blanket.

Now, this guy has some serious issues, anyway. And the meds they are giving him seem to exacerbate some of those issues a little. The clinical term for it is "Hypersexuality". We tend to call him "Sir Whacksalot". Need I explain? I thought not.

So right after he gets put on watch they call down and say they want him taken to medical for a forced medication injection. Probably haldol or something of the like. I'm not sure. Usually calms them down for a day or two. I happen to glance up at the camera and there he is.... pulling one for the home team. Going to town. Shifting into overdrive. Oiling up the old baseball glove. Shaking hands with Mr. Happy. You get the picture. So did we.

The average "normal" person would go "Jeez!" and find something else to do. Not us. Oh Lord, not us. For some reason, this seemed to be the funniest thing we have all seen in several days and we had more fun adding commentary and bizarre sound effects. It was like a really twisted version of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" without the robots.

We're some really sick people here, sometimes. It's a good thing the Pshrinks don't come down to talk to us. I liken it to battle fatigue or shell shock. After awhile, even the most bizarre things don't seem to affect us the way it would normal people.

I told you once the things that amuse me at work were strange. You didn't believe me, did you?

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I have done things and heard things and seen things in the last eight years that I would have never imagined. That most people never will imagine.

And I have laughed at things that would make a normal person piddle in their penny loafers.

It's probably a good thing I spend most of my time in this little room here by myself.

I'm just saying....

So tomorrow, Wednesday, will be Lazy Day. I'm hip to that. I have been mostly lazy for the last week and a half so far. It will also be National Duran Duran Appreciation Day (hey, I don't write 'em! I just report 'em!), Smithsonian Day, S'mores Day and the Perigean Spring Tides Day. Go figure.